A New Beginning: My Journey Through Addiction and Back

Addiction can feel like a dark tunnel with no light at the end. Many people struggle with it, feeling trapped and hopeless. However, my journey has shown me that it is possible to transform that struggle into strength. This post is about my personal experience with addiction, the lessons I learned, and how I turned my life around.

Understanding Addiction

Addiction is not just about substance abuse. It can take many forms, including behavioral addictions like gambling or internet use. For me, it was substance abuse Meth (Crank as we called it) When I finally realized how bad my problem was, it wasn’t during the weeks I stayed awake, or the nights I spent breaking into businesses and houses, or even the times I woke up in jail. Those moments should have been enough, but they weren’t. The truth didn’t hit me until I started ripping off my close friends—people who trusted me—and even stealing from my own family. That was the moment something inside me cracked.

Before that, I told myself I didn’t have a problem. I convinced myself that as long as I never shot up, I was different from the people around me. I held my friends’ arms while they used, but in my mind, that didn’t make me an addict. I told myself I was “better” because I didn’t touch the needle. Somewhere deep in the back of my burnt-out, scrambled mind, I believed needle marks were the “mark of the beast.” And if I could avoid those marks, then I could avoid the truth: that I was already lost in it.

It didn’t matter that I was eating the stuff because snorting or shooting took too long. It didn’t matter that I’d tell my friends to stop messing around with needles because “we had shit to do.” I clung to this ridiculous logic—I’m not shooting it, so I don’t have a problem. But the reality was that I was going through just as much hell as they were, maybe even more, because I was too deep in denial to see what I had become.

The Turning Point

The turning point came when I hit rock bottom. My wake-up call came when I opened my eyes in a strange house, surrounded by people I didn’t know, with no idea where the hell I was or how I’d gotten there. It was a full blackout. A random neighborhood. A place that felt like another planet. And this was back before cell phones, so I couldn’t just call someone to come get me.

I stumbled outside and started walking. At first, my brain went to its usual place—where am I going to get more crank? But for the first time in years, another thought pushed its way in: What the hell did I do to end up here?

That question followed me down the road until my legs gave out. I ended up sitting in a ditch on the side of a highway, in the middle of nowhere, in 100-degree heat. I was sweating, shaking, and crying, and then the floodgates opened. Three years of living as a meth addict came crashing down on me all at once—the stealing, the people I hurt, the lies, the things I can’t even bring myself to say out loud.

Right there, in that ditch, I finally admitted to myself that I needed to get out. But I had no idea how.

The only thing that saved me was my mom. I was lucky—truly lucky—to have the kind of mother who never stopped caring, even when I gave her every reason to. She had gotten word about what was happening to me, and somehow, she arranged a bus ticket waiting for me at the Greyhound station.

One of the hardest decisions of my life was whether to use that ticket… or sell it for more dope.

The fact that I’m here telling this story should tell you the choice I made.

How I got clean

I wish I had some beautiful, heart-felt story about my recovery—something neat and simple like, “The Lord saved me and that was that.” And although I know now He was watching over me, I didn’t know it then, and it wasn’t easy. Not even close.

Getting out of that town was only the beginning. I had no counseling, no programs, no mentor guiding me through the mess I’d made. I couldn’t settle anywhere because I didn’t know if I was wanted by the law. I felt hunted—by my past, by withdrawal, and by my own guilt.

But I found salvation in the most unlikely place. I joined a carnival.

To this day, they probably don’t even realize it, but that weird, dusty, chaotic carnival family saved my life. It still wasn’t easy—far from it. I went through the shakes, the cramps, the hallucinations, all while living on the road. But without hard drugs around, I didn’t have the option to go back. All I had was sheer willpower… and a lot of cigarettes, Mountain Dew, the occasional joint, and more hard work than I’d ever done in my life.

But little by little, day by day, and help from my now ex wife I stayed clean. And eventually, the fog started to lift.

support

It would be nice to say I had a lot of support, but back then it wasn’t common to seek counseling, open up, or even admit you had a problem. People didn’t talk about addiction the way they do now. My family was very supportive in the ways they knew how, but no one encouraged me or guided me through staying clean—and honestly, I never asked. Don’t get me wrong, they were relieved that I was off the drugs, but I carried so much shame that I kept everything buried.

So in a lot of ways, this was a battle I fought alone. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t know any other way. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m struggling.” I didn’t know how to ask for help without feeling like a failure. And even though I wasn’t alone physically, the fight inside me felt like mine and mine only. That isolation made recovery harder, but it also forced me to find a strength I didn’t know I had.

alternative ways

These are just a few ways I've found to help keep me clean, healthy and focused.

• Exercise: Physical activity is a powerful tool for managing my emotions. I started running and found it helped clear my mind.

  
  

• Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness helps me stay present and reduce anxiety. I learned to focus on my breath and let go of negative thoughts. yoga helps too

  
  

• Creative Outlets: I've always enjoyed fishing hiking and any other type of outdoor activity

  
  

These activities not only helped me cope but also became sources of joy and fulfillment.

a new beginning

As I look back on my journey, I see it not as an ending but as a beginning. I’ve taken the darkest parts of my past and turned them into lessons that shaped the person I am today. I’ve learned to face life with open arms and a hopeful heart.

The road hasn’t always been easy, but every painful step has been worth it. I am proud of the person I’ve become and excited for the future and all the possibilities waiting ahead.

My journey is a testament to resilience and the strength of the human spirit. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please remember this: change is possible. You can rebuild your life. You can reclaim your strength.

Let your story inspire others. Never underestimate the power of hope. let's turn your fire into faith—and your faith into strength.